what do I do now?

I am so negative these days, even I cannot believe it.

I feel like I can never be happy again. It's like, I'm in a different world to everyone else, I just feel like I don't belong here.

I have few friends who supports me, and yes, I've been trying so hard to be happy, well at least act like I'm happy when I'm around them. Because I feel like, if I don't act like I'm happy and everything is alright, it is going to affect their moods as well. And I want my dearest friends to stay happy.
And I think I did smile a lot when I was around them. But, really, that fake smile I put on was killing me.


It really did hit me hard, because I did not get what I deserved. And all my teachers told me those things I've written down on the paper was great. And what I said was great too.
It's really surprising, because a decision of one single person can bring some people down a lot. More than you could ever imagine.

I really do try to be positive and sometimes I feel like I'm happy again. But then, these thoughts keep on coming back to my head...


Why did I even come to this country? I really do not think it is worth all these unhappy things happening to me...


I just want to be left alone all the time, I feel like suffocating whenever someone is around ;(





I know if you were here, Grandad and Auntie, you would listen to me till my tears dries up and not say anything. I miss you :(